"Ice" and Cool: Review for "Masters of Horror: We All Scream For Ice Cream"

Showtime's notorious anthology show Masters of Horror had seemed to be picking up all the nonsense that the show became infamous for (blood, guts, nudity' all gratuitous). But it was cancelled and moved to NBC under the title Fear Itself. Same premise; less graphic stuff. Apparently, when they switched, they thought that less is gore! Yes, bad pun. We All Scream For Ice Cream was an episode from the second season of MoH. It was directed by Tom Holland (Child's Play and Fight Night) and it was adpated from a short story by John Farris (Prey). It is about the sins of a child and how years later they will still hoaunt that child. Buster the clown was a nice man who sold ice cream to kids. He was very sweet and really enjoyed his job. He was also mentally retarted,, which brought some unkind words to him. But when angry, rebelious, pompus, idiotic teens come around to tease the clown, you can say "Bye, Bye, Buster!". The kids who commited the crime were young and didn't know what they were doing. thirty years later, Lane moves back to town and all of the members of the junior Wild Bunch start to disappear. Buster (Will Forsythe, The Devil's Rejects) has come back to get them by giving their kids an ice cream in the shape of the victim. When someone bites into the ice cream, the turns into melted ice cream. Less gory than most of the series and a surprisingly sympathetic villain. One of the best of the MoH series, though some scenes can be as slow as Buster's ice cream truck.

Grade: B

Murder Is E-asy: Review for "Untraceable"

Untraceable is one of the newest in the "torture porn" collection; which includes gruesomely graphic films as the Saw movies, The Hills Have Eyes remake, and the Hostel movies. FBI agent Jenifer Marsh (Diane Lane) tracks down the crimes that are comitted on the World Wide Web. She finds this new website called killwithme.com (it's not real; however if you do go to the address, you will play a game and shut down one of the killer's websites). What people have found there is a man killing and torturing people on live streaming video. Every time a person logs on to the website, it kills the person faster. The film (supposedly) promotes anti-torture porn movies, when, in fact, it features graphic torture which would make you think "What was the MPAA ratings board thinking when it gave this an R?". I will, however say that Diane Lane's performance was good. I have to say the Saw movies do have a reasonable plot line (yes, including Saw IV, which I gave a bad review. Click here to read.) It was about a guy who was teaching people life lessons, yes, by torturing people, but even so, the plot made sense. This film does not give a reason why he is torturing people and broadcasting it on the Internet. Sure, his father died, but making the public look like hypocrits just sounds like that Austrian film Funny Games. One blurb that was on a TV commercial for the movie was "The Silence of the Lambs for the Internet age!". I'm not sure who said that, but only one thing here resembles Silence of the Lambs and that is Diane Lane's hair. This has neither the great storytelling nor the great suspense that Silence had. Instead of making you scared, it just makes your stomach turn.

Grade: C-

Cutthroat Competition: Review for "Sweeney Todd" 2-Disc DVD

Sweeney sure does "polish 'em off" inn this new 2-Disc Collector's Edition DVD. The movie is of the utmost imaginative. Benjamin Barker (Johnny Depp) is a sweet, meaningul barber in love with his wife, Lucy (Laura Michelle Kelley). However, a corrupt judge (Alan Rickman) covets Barker's wife and sends the young barber to jail on flase charges. He comes back, vengeful, only to find that his wife killed herself and his daughter, Johanna, is the ward of Judge Turpin. The film is dark, but funny in some parts. The black comedy that was in the stage musical is still there. Tim Burtin goes a little haywire with the blood, but it shouldn't be a problem for most. This tale is not supposed to be real. It's not supposed to take place in a real London. The London that Todd slashes in is surreal. Not to mention the slashes. It's not the gruesome and graphic slash you might find in The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, but it is done in a balletic motion, very much choreographed to the song "Johanna". It's not the way Freddy Krueger might do it, but any way you slice it, it's entertaining. During these killings, he is lamenting the death of his wife and the loss of his daughter. It's a great film. The special features include an interesting documentary on the callaboration of Helena Bonham Carter, Johnnyy Depp, and Tim Burtin. My favorite featurette is Sweeney is Alive: The Real Demon Barber, which chronicles the original tale of the barber, from his first appearance in The String of Pearls to his latest venture on the big screen. Other features include a Making Blood featurette, costume design, and more.
Film: A-
Extras: B+
Overall: A-

West Side Gory: Review for "No Country for Old Men"

Out in the desolate west is where many great films have taken place. The Coen brothers, Joel and Ethan, (winner of Best Director) are among the great American filmmakers. Their snarky noir to their screwball comedy have earned them prestige and respect and also a few Oscars. I've never cared for films that take place in the barren desert. They tend to be too formulaic. That's where you have the Coens take an overused setting and make it new and interesting. Their 2008 Academy Award winner for Best Picture, No Country for Old Men is a refreshing look out west. Josh Brolin (Grindhouse) plays a man who finds dead bodies in the desert, with a briefcase of two million dollars and a truck filled with heroin. He tries to escape with the money, but on his trail is a hitman with the world's worst haircut (Best Supporting Actor winner Javier Bardem). The Coens definitely produce, write, and direct the Thinking Man's film, due to he fact it's a bad idea to doze off through one of their films, otherwise, you might miss something very important. Many critics have said this films is a western horror movie, and in a way, they're right. You have your maniac, your refugee, your hero, and your ultra-violence. The violence seems brutal, from explosions to shots...in the head. Javier's hitman is one of the most original portrayals in film history. He's quick, slick, and keeps his cool, all with a very misfortunate hairstyle. Tommy Lee Jones (Academy Award nominee for In the Valley of Elah) is the good guy, trying to track down the killer and find who stole the money. The pursuit is heart racing, the emotionless face of the causes fear hitman as he walks closer to the door with his silenced gun. He's very eerie, and his raspy voice intensifies it. He is one of the most evil characters ever to appear on screen. He runs shivers up your spine. You may find that "Call it, friend-o." may be the most popular line of 2007. There's a little of he Coen's familiar humor hidden in the film, one liners and awkward moments. Joel and Ethan adapted the script from the novel by Cormac McCarthy. The great script and the wonderful storytelling is clear as day in this western thriller. The desolate wasteland where film takes place is haunting, as if you are alone and no one can help you. If you are trapped, laying in the sand covered in blood, and a man with a weird haircut calls you friend-o, you're dead meat. Joel and Ethan tell this story in a flawless style (and won an Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay), and it is done it gorgeous detail. The ending has been causing controversy. Audiences have felt cheated. You are left with a cliff hanger, not as if it were to be made into a sequel, but just left on the edge of your seat, wanting more, but the film leaves you hanging. I did not care for the ending. I can not appreciate it. Other than that, No Country is a masterwork. A brutal, yet glorious film.

Grade: A

Creep Show: Review for "Vacancy"

The thriller Vacancy is your standard issue slasher film, but it's better. Amy (Kate Beckinsale) and David (Luke Wilson) are on the verge of divorce. They've recently come from their parents' wedding annivarsary when they need to stop at a strange gas station to get some help. The guy who "fixes" their car makes it worse and it breaks down a mile or so down the road. They decide to stay the night at a hotel. While watching some of the videos, they see people getting killed in a low-budget horror flick way, but at the same time rather ghastly. They find out that people were killed in the same room. These sickos were watching them all along, like a sick peep show. But these victims are smarter and create a plan to get away. What follows is a cat and mouse game of high tension. This film was excellently writton, directed, and acted, though the ending was horrible. Very scary and exciting.

Grade: B+

Apocolypse Wow: Review for "Cloverfield"

Somewhat of a homage to monster movies like King Kong, Godzilla, Them!, etc., Cloverfield brings back the old glory days for the monster film to the twenty-first century. The story is relatively simple, and a little boring and cliche: Some of Rob's friends have held a going away party for him. He's about to go off to Japan on a job. During this party, there is an "earthquake". But when they look outside, Lady Liberty's head comes flying down the street. When they look closely, it's a giant monster, with little Mini-Monsters on its back, biting people. The army tries (unsuccessfully) to kill this monster. It seems that a giant monster, which resembles a scorpion, spider, and a human, knocking over buildings in NYC. He even takes out Lady Liberty! That scene, in which the Statue of Liberty's head rolls down the alley brings chills to my bones, since this film is risky, dealing with a post 9/11 era. The poster alone, with Lady missing her head, is something that could have the tag line: "Could Lady Liberty be next?" if it were a political thriller. The amateur footage, I must admit, made me doubtful that this was a good movie when I saw the trailer. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone be filming? I would run the heck away!". But further evidence from the film gives good reason to the constant filming and documenting. (Like I'm gonna spoil the ending!) The young ens are part of the typical formula, filled with melodramatic and mediocre performances like any other teen flick. But overall, it's a great film.
Grade: B+

Worst In Show: Review for "Plan 9 from Outer Space"

The movie that was helmed as the worst film ever made is truly that. Ed Wood's Citizen Cane of bad movies, Plan 9 from Outer Space, is the worst film I have ever seen. Yes, that includes The Dukes of Hazzard. Aliens from outer space (duh!) have come to Earth to rase dead bodies to get our attention (and with the look of Vampira and a wrestler, they did). Bela Lugosi, friend of Wood, played the old man zombie, tough he died two days into filming. They hired another person to play his part and hold a cape over his face. At the end, some cops get into the alien ship and the alien commander gives a speech that sounds like Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth on crack. The settings are dreadful (the graveyard building where they have the coffin of the dead body is so squalid, it looks like a bookshelf), the special effects horrible (the flying saucers are merely miniatures attached to string swinging in front of the camera, the aliens' planet looks obscene), and the dialogue benine ("The flying saucer looked like a giant cigar."). The acting is terrible, but looking at all this evidence, I think to myself, "I guesse that's what you get with Ed Wood." The faces of the wrestler zombie looks hysterical, as if he is in mighty pain, and Vampira arms are as stiff and huge as a tree stump. But the atrocities are very funny, looking back then and now and all the progress we've made from that in film making (even though this was made in the 1950s).  I think the saddest fact is that Wood was trying to be serious.

Grade: F

Surreal Killer: Review for "Mr. Brooks"

This film, Mr. Brooks, is quite similar to American Psycho. Mr. Brooks (a very evil Kevin Costner) is an all American man, with a wife a nice daughter. But he hides something. He is a notorious serial killer, named the Thumb Print Killer, famous for p;utting the thumbprint of his victimes somewhere obvious. His alter ego, Marshall (William Hurt), controlls his urge to kill. He has an unstoppable obsession and arousel from killing. He has not been active until recently, when he kills a young couple. But a man (a misscast Dane Cook) witnesses the murders and blackmails him. He doesn't ask for money...he asks to watch Mr. Brooks kill again. Now, the alter ego thing in this film does not work. He talks with Hurt as if no one were there. He talks out loud to him. Unconvincing, but if he either only imagined him in certain areas or if when he spoke with Marshall and someone looks at him and he says something like "It's nothing.". Dane Cook is really odd and his personality would, at first glace, work perfectly with the character, but just bombs. The cop tracking Mr. Brooks is played by Demi Moore. She is insignificant to the story, other than she's been on the case before. The rest of what she does in the film is have arguments with her ex-husband, who she is divorcing, and get kidnapped by a completely different killer. I wonder why she's in the film at all, or why she's been given such a big credit. Mr. Brooks' daughter (Disney princess Danielle Panabaker) is following in the footsteps of her father. She likes killing. A lot. This is an unconvincing "reality-is-not-really-reality" or "the-killer-next-door" film.

Grade: C

Sheer Genius: Review for "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street"

Sweeney Todd is the story of a barber (Johnny Depp, in his best role) seeking vengeance on the judge (Alan Rickman) who sent him to prison for 15 years on false charges. He gets help from his pie making landlord Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter) and opens up his old barber shop again to slit throats. Mrs. Lovett takes the bodies and puts them into her "World Famous Meat Pies". Contrary to Mrs. Lovett's ditty, "The Worst Pies in London", this is the best musical in years. Johnny Depp is excellent, and you can feel the tension in his voice. His voice is impressive, though not perfect. The rocky sound gives more emotion to the character. This man, who's real name is Benjamin Barker, is a sad sap: his wife was stolen, he was sent to jail for something he didn't do, the judge took his daughter from him, no wonder he looks like a corpse. Helena Bohnam Carter is wonderful as Mrs. Lovett. Her voice is wispy, but okay. Borat star Sacha Baron Cohen plays an Italian barber who is Sweeney's rival. He plays him quite flamboyently. Burton is a genius: any filmmaker who can combine blood (enough of it) and emotional drama is a great artist. The scene in which Lucy (Laura Michelle Kelly), Todd's wife, goes to the ball at the judge's house is very interesting. Everyone is dressed as a different animal, which can be interpreted as a carnalistic world where the real animals in us rule. The original history is very interesting: it was originally a serial tale by the name of The String of Pearls. In the 1960's, Christopher G. Bond turned the simple story into a heartfelt tragedy. Then it was made into an awards winning Stephen Sondheim musical, which this is based on. Depp and Carter look as if they had recently been in Corpse Bride, though Depp's make up really reminds me of Edward Scissorhands.This adaptation of Stephen Sondheim's musical of a madman is exquisite! The end packs and unexpected punch! The film is extremely dark, and (I will admit) has an excessive amount of blood. The musical performances are eloquent ("Johanna"), heart renching ("Not While I'm Around), hysterical ("By the Sea", "A Little Priest"), and clever ("Epiphany"). Tim Burton thankfully doesn't just add the music for music's sake, but keeps Sondheim's pulse pounding score and films the scenes to the music, rather than while the music is playing. Sondheim's score brings the emotion to the film, where it was originally in the play. This film is a work of genius. This film is Bloody Brilliant!
Grade: A

For more on the real Todd, click here

Worst Movies of the Year

It's been an interesting year. There have been some great films and some real bombs. Here's my list of the worst films this year.

3. Wild Hogs
This film was a very sad attempt on the midlife crisis film. Tim Allen was okay, but this film's real LVP goes to William H. Macy. He's a great actor, but this role just isn't him. Grade: C-

2. Saw IV
If I had given a title to the less-gore-less-chills sequel, it would be How To Make a Bad Franchise Four Times Worse. The ending doesn't make sense, there's very little blood (gore hounds will be left wanting more. Waaaay more) The lessons are cruel and not as preachy. Horrible acting and Shawnee Smith (who plays Amanda) has almost no screen time. Grade: D-

1. License to Wed
Robin Williams needed more room. Mostly for improv. This is a hapless mess. Don't bother with it. Grade: F

"Saw" It Be"4": Review for Saw IV

The first film of the gore happy Saw series was relatively good. The second was disappointing. The third, hopeful yet seriously flawed. The fourth one, well...it may be the worst film of the series. Jigsaw "returns" to play more games with more victims. The very beginning of the film starts with Jigsaw's dead body in the morgue and then two doctors performing an autopsy. They find a cassette tape (great...) revealing that Jigsaw's work is not done. After finding where agent Kerry ( Dina Meyer) had been trapped, they learn that Amanda (Shawnee Smith, who has almost no screen time), Jigsaw's (Tobin Bell) apprentice, couldn't have put Kerry in the Angel Trap (see Saw III) and that it was someone else gasp!, someone heavier! Detective Rigg (Lyriq Bent), seen in the previous two movies, is being tested by Jigsaw because he has an "obsession" with saving people. What follows is a trip into the past with bad traps, very little scariness, and a badly written script. The acting is nothing special. The plot is really bad (we are led to believe that Jigsaw's ex-wife is the one following his work. she isn't.) and the twist ending doesn't make sense (I mean it doesn't make sense). This is very disappointing and save yourself from seeing it. It is not worth it. I would give a full synopsis, but it would spoil the entire movie. Grade: D+

Robbed Zombie: Review for Planet Terror DVD

I know, I know, everyone who saw Grindhouse in theaters is in fury. The reason it was so much fun to watch was beacause you got the feeling of actually being in a grind-house theater; what with the fake trailers (which are not included on any of the DVDs), the scratched film reels, the missing reels, etc. And releasing Planet Terror and Death Proof separately (not even in the order they appeared: Death came after Planet) takes away the fun and excitement of a Grindhouse. But nevertheless, the films are sitll great fun. Robert Rodriguez's (Spy Kids, Desperado, Sin City). Planet Terror is the esential grind-house film, what with all the blood and melodrama and corny effects. It's up to El Wray (Freedy Rodriguez), a stripper with a machine gun posthetic leg named Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan), and a anestesiologist named Dakota (Marley Shelton) to save the world from a virus that turns people to zombies. Even from this very brief review, you can tell that it's probably the cheesiest movie you'll ever see in your life, but it's better than it sounds. It really makes you feel that you're in a grind-house theater and the feeling is great. It purposely is trying to be an exploitation film, a genre that contains cult classics like John Carpenter's Escape From New York. This film is part a cinematic histrory, because to great directors are bringing back the films they love: grind-house films. Though it's really cheesy, the film is extremely well (or horribly) made, containing scratched film reels, missing reels, etc. The special features very fun to watch (Marley Shelton can do weird things with her hands) and have great little anecdotes. But it still dioesn't make up for the fake trailers.
Grade: Overall: A-
Stars: 4.5/5
Stars: 8/10
Film: B+
Special Features: A-

No "Proof" Needed: Review for Death Proof DVD

I know, I know, everyone who saw Grindhouse in theaters is in fury. The reason it was so much fun to watch was beacause you got the feeling of actually being in a grind-house theater; what with the fake trailers (which are not included on any of the DVDs), the scratched film reels, the missing reels, etc. And releasing Planet Terror and Death Proof separately (not even in the order they appeared: Death came after Planet) takes away the fun and excitement of a Grindhouse. But nevertheless, the films are sitll great fun. Death Proof, the second part of Grindhouse, was directed by Quentin Tarantino (Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill) and definately has his style all over it. Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russel) is a long forgotten TV stuntman who has since then gone on a rampage, first taking down four pot smoking beauties, then three women on location for a movie shoot. Only, the latter group of women decide to fight back and what comes is the most exciting car chase in years. The chase ia all real and adrenaline pumped. Though we all miss the fake trailers, the movies are great, but wait a little before getting them, there might be hope for a theatrical version on DVD. The special features are interesting enough, but not enough to distract you from the absent trailers. There is an interesting doc on Zoe Bell and on the car chase.
Grade: Overall: B+
Stars: 3.5/5
Stars: 7/10
Movie: A-
Special Features: B+

Only at the Grindhouse: Review for "Grindhouse"

The title of this review says it all. Only at the Grindhouse can you see two highly acclaimed directors, blood, gore, zombies, cars, machine-guns, stunt drivers, an fake B-list cast (kind of), and Tarentino in both films making cameoes.

The first film to feature is Robert Rodreguez's Planet Terror. Just like a real grindhouse film, the film features melodrama, blood (lots of it), a stripper with a machine gun prosthetic leg, and most of all: zombies. The film plays well on the zombie effect and there is a lot much melting flesh and a truly horrific scene that has Quentin Tarentino playing a rapist who wants to do Rose McGowan. There is a funny scene, which does greatly with the "Grindhouse" effect, where Bruce Willis' head blows up, who plays a scientist in the army, which is very cheesy, just like the Grindhouse films.

Then the fake trailers appear with such titles as Rob Zombie's Werewolf Women of the S.S., Ed Wright's (Shaun of the Dead) Don't, and Eli Roth's (Hostel, Cabin Fever) Thanksgiving (honestly, who would think of a holiday horror movie like this?). Each are very funny and give the film a realness to it. In real grind-house theaters, they would show trailers for other exploitation films, so to add that to a movie pretending to be a grind-house film is really a smart move.

The last fim is Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof, the fatser paced, women's revenge themed, and more psychologically powerful film of the two. The film ia a homage to films like Vanishing Point and has an A-list cast including Rosario Dawson and Tracie Thoms, who both were in Rent. Kurt Russel stars as Stuntman Mike, a forgotten TV stuntman, who decides to go on a rampage. He first picks up Rose McGowan, who already had a role in Planet Terror (In grind-house films, the budget was often so low, they had to hire the same actor for different roles in the same doubvle-feature). She ends up being thrown around in the passenger's seat of Russel's skull and crossbone laden car. She hits her head too hard and dies. Then he goes after a threesome of pot smoking girls and purposely craches into them, leaving them dead. After a few months, he targets Zoe Bell, Dawson and Thoms, who play a game of shipmast (you haang onto the front of the car by hanging on to a belt...while the car is in drive). He tries to kill them, which pushes their buttons. Now it's time for revenge. In a heart pounding car chase, the best car chase in years, the women fight back and go after Mike. Both films are great and Tarentino and Rodreguez have made a masterpiece. Both films have sctaches on the film and "missing reels". A truly great peice of film from great directors, this film is one of their best. You get a sense of realness to it, and after the film is over, you may be left breathless.

Grindhouse: A

Planet Terror: B+

Death Proof: A

Faux Trailers: A

Pretty Good Room Service: Review for 1408

John Cusack is a good actor. In 1408, the new horror movie based on the Stephen King short story, he gives the performance of the year for horror movies (which, I guess, isn't really sayng much, considering the acting mess that is Hostel and Saw). But the point is, that when he is trapped in the hell-bent room, his acting is soectacular and powerful. 1408 is about Mike Elinson (Cusak), a skeptical writer that researches haunted houses and basically debunks them. Among the famous Mote-hells is the Dolphin Hotel in New York. It's not the actual hotell that's evil, but it's room 1408 that gives reason for 53 people to commit suicide in the room (est. 1952). Mike doesn't take the dire warnings from the hotell's manager, played brilliantly and maliciously by Samuel L. Jackson. It is said that no one can stay an hour in the room without commiting suicide. Mike ignores him and goes to the room...ad he's fine. The first couple of minutes are completely normal, but the rest of the hour is one hell of a ride. But when the subject of his dead daughter and his estranged wife is brought up (by the room), you cand feel his pain; his need of someone he loved. Yet the room taunted him by giving him his daughter back, and then torturing him by having her die again. But there are parts that the cinematography is sometimes very cheesy. Also, there's the cliche of him waking up to find none of it was true, then realize that he was still in the room the whole time. But other than that, it's all pretty good.

Grade: B+

Stars: 3.5/5

Stars: 7/10

Life and Its Puzzles: Review for Saw

Saw is the first of four horror films. Adam (writer Leigh Whannel) and a Dr. Gordon (Cary Elwes) wake up in a disgusting bathroom. In their pockets are tapes that say "Play Me". In the middle of the floor is a a dead body with a tape player in one hand and a gun in the other. These two strangers are pawns in the sick life games of Jigsaw (Tobin Bell). Jigsaw is infamous for teaching sick life games in which they end up killing themselves. The moral is to not take your life for granted. As each of the strangers' lives unravel, the sick mind of Jigsaw drives through the twists and turns. The script is extremely well written, featuring "How far would you go...?" situations and great psychological aspects. Jigsaw is extremely smart, thinking of everything before he begins. The life lessons are truly ingenious (e.g. You have this device on your head that rips your mouth open and the key is in your cell mate's stomach.). How Much Blood Would You Shed To Stay Alive? reads the posters. But when you watch this film, think about what you would do in their situations. Though the acting from Elwes and Whannel are pretty bad (Elwes acts like he's Whannels soccer coach), the film is a scary, smart, pyschological, suspenseful thriller. The first film directed by newcomer James Wan and writer Leigh Whannel, which is based on a short film they made in film school of the same title. Grade: B+ Stars: 4/5 Stars: 7.5/10 Writing: Grade: A- Stars: 4.5/5 Stars: 8.5/10

"Sense" and Sensability: Review for "The Sixth Sense"

M. Night Shamylon's suspense/thriller The Sixth Sense is the story of a young boy (Haley Joel Osment) who sees dead people. It is Dr. Malcolm Crowe's (Bruce Willis) job to help him. Dr. Crowe is a child therapist who has been honored by the mayor the previous year. But the previous fall, before he treats young Cole, a past patient comes to visit him. Vincent's diagnosis had been mood disorder caused by divorce between his parents. But he is scared, and the Doctor doesn't know why. So Vincent comes back to get his revenge and shoots him, then committing suicide. Cole, the young boy, is scared and the most horrible ghosts are terrifying him. But all they need is help. Cole is hated by everypne at school; they call him "freak". No one knows his secret. Cole, from the advice of Dr. Crowe, decides to help the ghosts and eventually outgrows his fear. Sadly, Dr. Crowe and his wife aren't talking. The ending: I can't tell. But this is the smartest ghost story in a long time. The acting is phenomenal. There are twists everywhere you look. Though the ending will take you by surprise, you can find all the clues if you look carefully. The story was written fantastically by Night and executed well. And it has a happy ending! Grade: A- Stars: 7.5/10 Stars: 4/5

Purr-fectly "Horror"-fying: Review for "Masters of Horror: The Black Cat"

The Black Cat is one of the episodes in the Showtime series Masters of Horror. It appears in season 2. The film is beautifully crafted by Stuart Gordon, director of the classic Re-Animator. The film does not feature any gratuatisque scenes, like most of the other episodes in the series. It does feature blood, but with good reason to the storyline: Virginia Poe is suffering from TB. The film is based on Edgar Allan Poe's tale of self destruction. It is about a man who is mentally tormented by this black cat, and in result, does unspeakable acts. The film plays out fantastically, pretending that Poe, very poor and depressed because of his wife's disease, is slowly descending into madness. The accounts in the film are either something that happened in Poe's life or taken directly from the short story. The thing I liked about it is that the film didn't feature unneeded amount of blood or nudity, that all the elements were important to the story and not just thrown it for fun. Gordon did a great job with Re-Animator, so it was interesting to see a splatter director take on a piece of classic Gothic literature, much like he did in the first season of Masters with H.P. Lovecraft's Dreams of the Witch House, which (no pun intended) was almost as well done as this one. The picture is almost black and white for the time setting except for scenes in which you see blood or anything truly colorful. This is the best one of the series. Poe is the Master of Gothic Horror, while Gordon remains the Master of Cinematic Horror. Grade: A- Stars: 4.5/5 Stars 8.5/10

Phone "Ring": Review for "The Ring" and "The Ring Two"

Sure, they may not be the greatest in horror, but they are the road less traveled these days. It's more Gothic horror than slasher. The film started a trend of Japanese remakes. The Ring was based on Ringu, The Grudge later released was based on Ju-On:The Grudge, and Dark Water based on the Japanese film of the same name. The Ring is about a killer video tape. The tape is filled with horrible images and after the tape is finished, your phone rings and a mysterious voice says "You will die in seven days.". The girl in the video tape is Samara, the child done wrong by her adoptive parents. She was dumped into a well. The film gets around to a teenage girl who, after seven days, is killed in a gruesome way by Samara. New mom Rachel Keller (Naomi Watts in both films) is a reporter in Seattle. She decides to investigate the film's mysterious path. When finally solving part of the mysterious tape's existence, she copies the tape. Which leads us to The Ring Two. Rachel's son, Aiden (David Dorfman) is possessed by Samara, which makes Rachel track down Samara's past, before being adopted. The Ring Two was directed by Hideo Makato, who directed the original Ringu and Ringu 2. Both films have their flaws, but I personally favored The Ring. It was smarter and better written. Well played out, too. Overall: Grade: B Stars: 3.5/5 The Ring Grade: B Stars: 4/5 The Ring Two Grade: B- Stars: 3/5 The Cursed Video Grade: A Stars: 4.5/5