"Ice" and Cool: Review for "Masters of Horror: We All Scream For Ice Cream"

Showtime's notorious anthology show Masters of Horror had seemed to be picking up all the nonsense that the show became infamous for (blood, guts, nudity' all gratuitous). But it was cancelled and moved to NBC under the title Fear Itself. Same premise; less graphic stuff. Apparently, when they switched, they thought that less is gore! Yes, bad pun. We All Scream For Ice Cream was an episode from the second season of MoH. It was directed by Tom Holland (Child's Play and Fight Night) and it was adpated from a short story by John Farris (Prey). It is about the sins of a child and how years later they will still hoaunt that child. Buster the clown was a nice man who sold ice cream to kids. He was very sweet and really enjoyed his job. He was also mentally retarted,, which brought some unkind words to him. But when angry, rebelious, pompus, idiotic teens come around to tease the clown, you can say "Bye, Bye, Buster!". The kids who commited the crime were young and didn't know what they were doing. thirty years later, Lane moves back to town and all of the members of the junior Wild Bunch start to disappear. Buster (Will Forsythe, The Devil's Rejects) has come back to get them by giving their kids an ice cream in the shape of the victim. When someone bites into the ice cream, the turns into melted ice cream. Less gory than most of the series and a surprisingly sympathetic villain. One of the best of the MoH series, though some scenes can be as slow as Buster's ice cream truck.

Grade: B

West Side Gory: Review for "No Country for Old Men"

Out in the desolate west is where many great films have taken place. The Coen brothers, Joel and Ethan, (winner of Best Director) are among the great American filmmakers. Their snarky noir to their screwball comedy have earned them prestige and respect and also a few Oscars. I've never cared for films that take place in the barren desert. They tend to be too formulaic. That's where you have the Coens take an overused setting and make it new and interesting. Their 2008 Academy Award winner for Best Picture, No Country for Old Men is a refreshing look out west. Josh Brolin (Grindhouse) plays a man who finds dead bodies in the desert, with a briefcase of two million dollars and a truck filled with heroin. He tries to escape with the money, but on his trail is a hitman with the world's worst haircut (Best Supporting Actor winner Javier Bardem). The Coens definitely produce, write, and direct the Thinking Man's film, due to he fact it's a bad idea to doze off through one of their films, otherwise, you might miss something very important. Many critics have said this films is a western horror movie, and in a way, they're right. You have your maniac, your refugee, your hero, and your ultra-violence. The violence seems brutal, from explosions to shots...in the head. Javier's hitman is one of the most original portrayals in film history. He's quick, slick, and keeps his cool, all with a very misfortunate hairstyle. Tommy Lee Jones (Academy Award nominee for In the Valley of Elah) is the good guy, trying to track down the killer and find who stole the money. The pursuit is heart racing, the emotionless face of the causes fear hitman as he walks closer to the door with his silenced gun. He's very eerie, and his raspy voice intensifies it. He is one of the most evil characters ever to appear on screen. He runs shivers up your spine. You may find that "Call it, friend-o." may be the most popular line of 2007. There's a little of he Coen's familiar humor hidden in the film, one liners and awkward moments. Joel and Ethan adapted the script from the novel by Cormac McCarthy. The great script and the wonderful storytelling is clear as day in this western thriller. The desolate wasteland where film takes place is haunting, as if you are alone and no one can help you. If you are trapped, laying in the sand covered in blood, and a man with a weird haircut calls you friend-o, you're dead meat. Joel and Ethan tell this story in a flawless style (and won an Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay), and it is done it gorgeous detail. The ending has been causing controversy. Audiences have felt cheated. You are left with a cliff hanger, not as if it were to be made into a sequel, but just left on the edge of your seat, wanting more, but the film leaves you hanging. I did not care for the ending. I can not appreciate it. Other than that, No Country is a masterwork. A brutal, yet glorious film.

Grade: A

You Can Never Have Too Much "Spam": Review for "Spamalot"

Spamalot is somewhat an adaptation/remake of Monty Python's hilarious Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The original tale revolves around King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. The title is a pun on "Camelot" and the long running Python gag "Spam", which, if you dot already know, is canned meat. There were several differences from the movie, which, in essence, shouldn't matter. Eric Idle, one of the originals, wrote the book and the lyrics for the play. The Lady of the Lake character is very funny, and the actress who plays her has a tremendous voice. Her rendition of "What Ever Happened to My Part?" is hilarious, in which she complains of not being on the stage for long and makes fun of Posh Beckham. However, in the style of those dirty minded comedians, there's plenty of swearing and ladies showing lots of skin. The show, though advertised for families, is not exactly family friendly. There are very funny parts in the second act when it was like the original film with the Ones Who Say "Nee" and the Black Knight scenes. Lancelot, who falls in love with Guenivere in the original tale, falls in love with Price Herbert. That doesn't bother me in the slightest, it was just the style that they did it in. A funny line that Lancelot said at the end of the show about same sex marriage is "To think that 2000 years in the future this will still be controversial." It is true and put very frankly. There are very clever scenes in which they use a projector. The play is clever, funny, and sometimes hilarious!
Grade: B+

Miss Interpretation: Review for "Atonement"

The long and somewhat confusing adaptation of Ian McEwan's novel Atonement, is a masterpiece to behold during the Oscar season. The story of a young girl, Briony Tallis (Oscar nominee, Saorise Ronan, for Best Supporting Actress), who reads a letter that was delivered to her sister, Cecilia (Keira Knightley, ravashing as always), by Robbie Turner (James McAvoy) that featured the C-word and blames him for not only being a pervert, but molesting her sister in the library and her friend Lola. What happens: Robbie is sent to prison, but then joins the army during WWII in 1940. Robbie and Cecilia had been very much in love, but have now been torn apart for what the little girl had done 5 years earlier. She becomes a nurse and then tries to talk with her sister. Robbie is stuck in France in the war, desperate to get home to his Cecilia. The ending is not only emotional, but also a bit shocking. Some may feel tired and restles during the film, but the end of the film will completely change your views, as it did mine. In some sequences, it shows what Briony had witnessed, and then what really happen, going with the point of view, though some may find it hard to make the transition, due to no actual notification of change of scene or fashback. The film is very intricately made and is a wonderful watch. Keira Knightley is beautiful, graceful, and brilliant, though she smokes some eleven or twelve cigarettes. Smokey and the Falsely Accused Bandit, I guess. Young Ronan plays her with great ease. McAvoy and Knightley have great chemistry, real spark on film. This is the kind of film, however, that you have to be in the mood to watch. Dario Marianelli wonderful score, which has been nominated for Best Original Score Academy Award, is wildly creative. When Briony is on screen, a piano and a typewriter start playing an intoxicating little tune that, I suppose, symbolizes that something might happen, typewriters are weapons, and/or a reminder of what happened in the beginning of the film. Joe Wright, who previously directed Ms. Knightley in Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice, has come back to make a masterpiece of 2007.

Grade: A-

Sheer Genius: Review for "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street"

Sweeney Todd is the story of a barber (Johnny Depp, in his best role) seeking vengeance on the judge (Alan Rickman) who sent him to prison for 15 years on false charges. He gets help from his pie making landlord Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter) and opens up his old barber shop again to slit throats. Mrs. Lovett takes the bodies and puts them into her "World Famous Meat Pies". Contrary to Mrs. Lovett's ditty, "The Worst Pies in London", this is the best musical in years. Johnny Depp is excellent, and you can feel the tension in his voice. His voice is impressive, though not perfect. The rocky sound gives more emotion to the character. This man, who's real name is Benjamin Barker, is a sad sap: his wife was stolen, he was sent to jail for something he didn't do, the judge took his daughter from him, no wonder he looks like a corpse. Helena Bohnam Carter is wonderful as Mrs. Lovett. Her voice is wispy, but okay. Borat star Sacha Baron Cohen plays an Italian barber who is Sweeney's rival. He plays him quite flamboyently. Burton is a genius: any filmmaker who can combine blood (enough of it) and emotional drama is a great artist. The scene in which Lucy (Laura Michelle Kelly), Todd's wife, goes to the ball at the judge's house is very interesting. Everyone is dressed as a different animal, which can be interpreted as a carnalistic world where the real animals in us rule. The original history is very interesting: it was originally a serial tale by the name of The String of Pearls. In the 1960's, Christopher G. Bond turned the simple story into a heartfelt tragedy. Then it was made into an awards winning Stephen Sondheim musical, which this is based on. Depp and Carter look as if they had recently been in Corpse Bride, though Depp's make up really reminds me of Edward Scissorhands.This adaptation of Stephen Sondheim's musical of a madman is exquisite! The end packs and unexpected punch! The film is extremely dark, and (I will admit) has an excessive amount of blood. The musical performances are eloquent ("Johanna"), heart renching ("Not While I'm Around), hysterical ("By the Sea", "A Little Priest"), and clever ("Epiphany"). Tim Burton thankfully doesn't just add the music for music's sake, but keeps Sondheim's pulse pounding score and films the scenes to the music, rather than while the music is playing. Sondheim's score brings the emotion to the film, where it was originally in the play. This film is a work of genius. This film is Bloody Brilliant!
Grade: A

For more on the real Todd, click here

Royal Pain: Review for Camelot

The grand story of King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table was transformed into a musical on Broadway that lasted a short time. In 1967, the musical was made into a movie starring the original Arthur, Richard Harris. This film is not regal in any way. The songs are really stupid. The lyrics are terrible and make very little sense. The cast starts singing at the most trivial moments. The songs have a tune that you will undoubtedly hate, but will stick in your head. In most songs, they do not sing, but talk in a tune, which is extremely annoying. No one can carry a tune for more that 0.3 seconds. The story focuses too much on Launcelot and Guenevere's romance and not enough on Arthur. Launcelot has a very fake accent, Guenevere isn't innocent enough, and Arthur keeps singing love songs. Even if you enjoy musicals, you not enjoy this one. There are too many close ups on people. The camera rarely moves through the whole film. And the end of the film is cornier than Tostitos and salsa. Grade: D

"Murder", She Wrote: Revisiting Poirot in "Murder on the Orient Express"

The novel, Murder on the Orient Express, is one of the most famous detective stories of all time and its main character, pompous Belgian Hercule Poirot, is the quirkiest and most original detective since Sherlock Holmes. The novel is smooth on its tracks and amusing. Christie, now recognized as the Queen of Crime. She has sold millions of books and remains one of the best mystery writers of all time. One of the greatest of Agatha Christie's novels is brought to the screen with a fantastic story line, a glorious all-star cast, and beautiful scenery. When famed Belgian detective Hercule Poirot is on his way to London on the famous Orient Express, he meets a man named Ratchett who hires him as a bodyguard, because of getting threatening letters, Poirot turns the job down. The next day, he turns up dead in his compartment with twelve stab wounds. Inspired by the real life "Lindbergh kidnapping case", Christie's novel flows smoothly without hitting a bump. Ratchett turns out to be involved with the "Armstrong kidnapping case". The film is extremely accurate. The film keeps you on the edge of your seat, and has you guessing who the killer is. Albert Finney was a great Poirot. Ingrid Bergman took home an Oscar for her role in the film. Sean Connery shines as Colonel Arbuthnot. The rest of the cast shines throughout the film. But my favorite of the cast, other than Finney, is Lauren Bacall as the American woman, who talks non-stop, Mrs. Hubbard. Both are truly works of art. Book: A+
Movie: A

"Murder" Most Foul: Review for "A Murder Is Announced"

A Murder Is Announced is part of the PBS/Mystery! series Marple. It is a series of Miss Marple mysteries adapted from the works of her creator, the Queen of Crime, Agatha Christie. This particular film is based on the novel of the same name. "A murder is announced and will take place on Friday, October 29th, at Little Paddocks, 6:30. Friends, accept this as the only intimation." This little notice appeared in the daily newspaper, where the classifieds are. 10 people arrive at Little Paddocks, the house of Letetia Blacklock. At 6:30, the lights go out and someone tries to kill Letitia, only to end up dead himself. It is up to Miss Jane Marple to solve the crime! Geraldine McEwan, the newest incarnation of Miss Marple, plays her brilliantly and emotionally. In the final scene, as the killer is being revealed, Miss Marple weeps with such emotion (for her niece was also murdered) that your stomach with tremble with great sorrow. But somethings are unnecessary: Mrs. Hinchcliffe and Mrs. Myrgycroft, who arer fond friends in the novel, are in a relationship. Totally unnecessary. Grade: B+

Pretty Good Room Service: Review for 1408

John Cusack is a good actor. In 1408, the new horror movie based on the Stephen King short story, he gives the performance of the year for horror movies (which, I guess, isn't really sayng much, considering the acting mess that is Hostel and Saw). But the point is, that when he is trapped in the hell-bent room, his acting is soectacular and powerful. 1408 is about Mike Elinson (Cusak), a skeptical writer that researches haunted houses and basically debunks them. Among the famous Mote-hells is the Dolphin Hotel in New York. It's not the actual hotell that's evil, but it's room 1408 that gives reason for 53 people to commit suicide in the room (est. 1952). Mike doesn't take the dire warnings from the hotell's manager, played brilliantly and maliciously by Samuel L. Jackson. It is said that no one can stay an hour in the room without commiting suicide. Mike ignores him and goes to the room...ad he's fine. The first couple of minutes are completely normal, but the rest of the hour is one hell of a ride. But when the subject of his dead daughter and his estranged wife is brought up (by the room), you cand feel his pain; his need of someone he loved. Yet the room taunted him by giving him his daughter back, and then torturing him by having her die again. But there are parts that the cinematography is sometimes very cheesy. Also, there's the cliche of him waking up to find none of it was true, then realize that he was still in the room the whole time. But other than that, it's all pretty good.

Grade: B+

Stars: 3.5/5

Stars: 7/10

"Death" Becomes Her: Review for "Agatha Christie's Poirot: Death on the Nile"

David Suchet returns as the dapper Belgian detective Hercule Poirot. This "film" is part of the A&E series Agatha Christie's Poirot. This is a rather accurate adaptation of the Christie novel of the same. Lynette Ridgeway, played brilliantly by Emily Blunt (The Devil Wears Prada) has everything one could imagine. Her friend, Jacqueline de Belfeur, is engaged to Simon Doyle, but poor Doyle is out on his luck. He needs money, so Jaquie decides to be Lynette to give Simon a job on her new estate as land agent. But a few months later, it is announced that Lynette is engaged to Mr. Doyle: she's stolen Jacquie's fiancee! Jacquie is filled with anger and wants revenge, so she follows the two wherever they go: Italy and abroad.When the couple are relaxing peacefully in Aswan, Egypt. Jacquie surprises them with a drunken visit in a ballroom. Miss Ridgewat tries to convince Poirot to try to get Jacquie to use her common sense. The couple then decide to take a trip up the Nile, trying to evade Jacquie; but surprise, surprise, Miss de Belfeur shows up to make the trip misserable, while Poirot watched in earnest. Lynette and Simon take a look at some of the sites, and while they sre restinng, someone dislodges a large ruin which almost kills Lynette! But Jaquie was far from the scene, so she couldn't have done it! That night Jacquie feels unbelievably depressed and gets drunk. In her state, she shoots Simon! During the night Lynette is shot throught the head, and again Jaquie could not have done it! It is up to Monsier Poirot to catch the killer. This adaptation of the classic crime is very good, and pretty accurate. Jacquie's performance is not emotional enough (e.g. she "begs" Lynette to give Simon the job, but she sounds too bored and dull and not enough excited). David Suchet's pervormance is unforggetable, but this Poirot is not as humorous or soft spoken as was in the original PBS Mystery! series.

Grade: B+
Stars: 3.5/5

Stars: 7/10

Fa-Sin-ista: "The Devil Wears Prada"

This chick flick based on the bestseller about a woman who works with a boss from hell was based on Lauren Weisberger's real relationship with former boss, Anna Wintour of Vogue Magazine. Young Andy (Anne Hathaway) is looking for a job in the Big Apple, and the last place she applies is the famous Runway Magazine, the fashion Bible, run by the ruthless devil Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep). Once getting te job as receptionist, she is taught the basics by fellow hater Emily (Emily Blunt) and learns that she would rather have gone to Hell than work for the Queen of Fashion Mean. She is met a promotion, while Emily is fired. It goes all to Hell and a hand basket from there. Meryl Streep's preformance an the Editor in Chief from Hell is sinfully delectible, while Hathaway's Andy is pretty good, judging from her past workd in The Princess Diaries series and Ella Enchanted. The film gets kind of yuppie toward the end and Stanley Tucci as the fashionista who works with Priestly is marvelous. Grade: B+ Stars: 3.5/5 Stars: 7/10 Since its a "boss from hell" story, it has to be here: having a boss from hell is scary.

Purr-fectly "Horror"-fying: Review for "Masters of Horror: The Black Cat"

The Black Cat is one of the episodes in the Showtime series Masters of Horror. It appears in season 2. The film is beautifully crafted by Stuart Gordon, director of the classic Re-Animator. The film does not feature any gratuatisque scenes, like most of the other episodes in the series. It does feature blood, but with good reason to the storyline: Virginia Poe is suffering from TB. The film is based on Edgar Allan Poe's tale of self destruction. It is about a man who is mentally tormented by this black cat, and in result, does unspeakable acts. The film plays out fantastically, pretending that Poe, very poor and depressed because of his wife's disease, is slowly descending into madness. The accounts in the film are either something that happened in Poe's life or taken directly from the short story. The thing I liked about it is that the film didn't feature unneeded amount of blood or nudity, that all the elements were important to the story and not just thrown it for fun. Gordon did a great job with Re-Animator, so it was interesting to see a splatter director take on a piece of classic Gothic literature, much like he did in the first season of Masters with H.P. Lovecraft's Dreams of the Witch House, which (no pun intended) was almost as well done as this one. The picture is almost black and white for the time setting except for scenes in which you see blood or anything truly colorful. This is the best one of the series. Poe is the Master of Gothic Horror, while Gordon remains the Master of Cinematic Horror. Grade: A- Stars: 4.5/5 Stars 8.5/10

"Royale" Flush: Review for "Casino Royale" DVD

His name is Bond...James Bond. For over 40 years, he has used his License to Thrill. He returns with a new man as the timeless character. Daniel Craig brings new feeling to Bond. For 45 years it's been an annoying formula. Shaken, not stirred: Bond gets mission, Bond meets girl, Bond sleeps with girl, Bond meets villain, Bond fights villain, Bond wins fight, Bond sleeps with girl again. This formula has been used in the last 18 films before Casino Royale. Craig makes you believe he is a human and not a super hero. He leaves us shaken AND stirred. And he falls in love with Vesper Lynd (Eva Green). This is great change for the series. Sadly, the DVD does not live up to its predecessors (Ultimate Bond Collection (2006), Bond Special Edition (2002-2003), Die Another Day Special Edition). The DVD contains three documentaries: One on the "evolution" of the Bond Girl in an updated edition of AMC's Bond Girls Are Forever, one on the making of the film centered on Daniel Craig called The New Bond, and one on the stunts on the film (which were spectacular) called Bond For Real. There is also a music video for the main theme song for the film: Chris Cornell's You Know My Name. The extras are almost as bare as the Golden Girl (see: 1964's Goldfinger with Sean Connery), but the film makes it somewhat worth your $19.95. The film is great. The extras sad. Movie: Grade: A- Stars: 8/10 DVD Overall: Grade B- Stars: 2 Extras: Grade: D+ Stars: 1.5