Murder Is E-asy: Review for "Untraceable"

Untraceable is one of the newest in the "torture porn" collection; which includes gruesomely graphic films as the Saw movies, The Hills Have Eyes remake, and the Hostel movies. FBI agent Jenifer Marsh (Diane Lane) tracks down the crimes that are comitted on the World Wide Web. She finds this new website called killwithme.com (it's not real; however if you do go to the address, you will play a game and shut down one of the killer's websites). What people have found there is a man killing and torturing people on live streaming video. Every time a person logs on to the website, it kills the person faster. The film (supposedly) promotes anti-torture porn movies, when, in fact, it features graphic torture which would make you think "What was the MPAA ratings board thinking when it gave this an R?". I will, however say that Diane Lane's performance was good. I have to say the Saw movies do have a reasonable plot line (yes, including Saw IV, which I gave a bad review. Click here to read.) It was about a guy who was teaching people life lessons, yes, by torturing people, but even so, the plot made sense. This film does not give a reason why he is torturing people and broadcasting it on the Internet. Sure, his father died, but making the public look like hypocrits just sounds like that Austrian film Funny Games. One blurb that was on a TV commercial for the movie was "The Silence of the Lambs for the Internet age!". I'm not sure who said that, but only one thing here resembles Silence of the Lambs and that is Diane Lane's hair. This has neither the great storytelling nor the great suspense that Silence had. Instead of making you scared, it just makes your stomach turn.

Grade: C-

Coen to the Midwest: Review for "Fargo"

The film Fargo is supposedly based on a true story. The events that are featured in the film took place in 1987. But those who have seen the Coen's work of art and believe this were fooled! Joel and Ethan Coen were inspired by true events that did not take place in Minnesota or North Dakota.

Poor Mr. Lundergard (a brilliant William H. Macy) is down on his luck and need money. How much? $750,000 to clear his debts. So he asks a couple of hit men (Steve Buscemi and Peter Stormare) to kidnap his wife for a ransom of $1 million. He hopes that his wife's father will give the money to them, because he's rich. But what follows are a string of accidental and intentional deaths. Margery Gunderson (a hilarious and Oscar winning Frances McDormand) is on the case, while she is pregnant, and tries to track down these ruthless killers. The film is very dark, but has some light comedy. It's a dark sort of comedy, but funny nevertheless. The violence is brutal (woodchippers, anyone?), the comedy light hearted and the originality unmistakable. Frances McDormand is great, with her sing songy accent and her smile. One of the greatest films of all time. I preferred this one to the Coen's other film No Country for Old Men. Is Fargo a good movie? Yeah, you betcha!

Grade: A

West Side Gory: Review for "No Country for Old Men"

Out in the desolate west is where many great films have taken place. The Coen brothers, Joel and Ethan, (winner of Best Director) are among the great American filmmakers. Their snarky noir to their screwball comedy have earned them prestige and respect and also a few Oscars. I've never cared for films that take place in the barren desert. They tend to be too formulaic. That's where you have the Coens take an overused setting and make it new and interesting. Their 2008 Academy Award winner for Best Picture, No Country for Old Men is a refreshing look out west. Josh Brolin (Grindhouse) plays a man who finds dead bodies in the desert, with a briefcase of two million dollars and a truck filled with heroin. He tries to escape with the money, but on his trail is a hitman with the world's worst haircut (Best Supporting Actor winner Javier Bardem). The Coens definitely produce, write, and direct the Thinking Man's film, due to he fact it's a bad idea to doze off through one of their films, otherwise, you might miss something very important. Many critics have said this films is a western horror movie, and in a way, they're right. You have your maniac, your refugee, your hero, and your ultra-violence. The violence seems brutal, from explosions to shots...in the head. Javier's hitman is one of the most original portrayals in film history. He's quick, slick, and keeps his cool, all with a very misfortunate hairstyle. Tommy Lee Jones (Academy Award nominee for In the Valley of Elah) is the good guy, trying to track down the killer and find who stole the money. The pursuit is heart racing, the emotionless face of the causes fear hitman as he walks closer to the door with his silenced gun. He's very eerie, and his raspy voice intensifies it. He is one of the most evil characters ever to appear on screen. He runs shivers up your spine. You may find that "Call it, friend-o." may be the most popular line of 2007. There's a little of he Coen's familiar humor hidden in the film, one liners and awkward moments. Joel and Ethan adapted the script from the novel by Cormac McCarthy. The great script and the wonderful storytelling is clear as day in this western thriller. The desolate wasteland where film takes place is haunting, as if you are alone and no one can help you. If you are trapped, laying in the sand covered in blood, and a man with a weird haircut calls you friend-o, you're dead meat. Joel and Ethan tell this story in a flawless style (and won an Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay), and it is done it gorgeous detail. The ending has been causing controversy. Audiences have felt cheated. You are left with a cliff hanger, not as if it were to be made into a sequel, but just left on the edge of your seat, wanting more, but the film leaves you hanging. I did not care for the ending. I can not appreciate it. Other than that, No Country is a masterwork. A brutal, yet glorious film.

Grade: A

Kickin' Assasin: Review for "Lucky Number Slevin"

Bruce Willis, Josh Hartnett, Lucy Lui, Ben Kingsly, and Morgan Freeman star in Lucky # Slevin, the slick thriller about a horse race and the crime world. Slevin (Josh Hartnett), a young man who stops at a friend's house, is mistaken for that friend, who is Nick Fisher, and is brought to a big crime lord, called the Boss (Morgan Freeman). The Boss wants the supposed Nick Fisher to kill someone, not just for fun, but because his son was murdered by another crime lord, called the Rabbi (Ben Kingsly). So Nick must kill the Rabbi's son, as revenge. To help him, the mysterious assasin, Mr. Goodkat (Bruce Willis, charismatic as usual), gets the job done. Nick's neighbor, Lucy Lui, is a peppy-girly version, of say Miss Marple and Columbo. She and Willis steal the show. This assasin first tells the taleof a horse race that was fixed and a father lays the bet on a crime boss. He, howeverm is unnable to pay, but has high hope that he will win. He brings his son, a kid named Max, and watches, socked to find that his horse, a Lucky Number Slevin, falls and dies. The crime boss kills his whole family. No one wanted to kill the kid, so he hires "the guy who does jobs no one wants to do." This crime thriller is cunning in a way, manages to keep you guessing, but if you use your head, you can find out the real mystery of this story in about 10 mnutes. The ending is shocking, while somehow managing sympathy for the characters. Tucci plays a cop trying to find out what this Slevin guy is doing. His is a subtle, but important role. There rae many pop culture references, the most important to the story being a cartoon named Shmoo. James Bond and few others are thrown around. Bruce Willis, as the mystery assasin, is excellent, never breaking a sweat, kind of like a bad James Bond who kills for money. This was fun to watch, with the unravling tale of guns, horses, and revenge.

Grade: B+

Apocolypse Wow: Review for "Cloverfield"

Somewhat of a homage to monster movies like King Kong, Godzilla, Them!, etc., Cloverfield brings back the old glory days for the monster film to the twenty-first century. The story is relatively simple, and a little boring and cliche: Some of Rob's friends have held a going away party for him. He's about to go off to Japan on a job. During this party, there is an "earthquake". But when they look outside, Lady Liberty's head comes flying down the street. When they look closely, it's a giant monster, with little Mini-Monsters on its back, biting people. The army tries (unsuccessfully) to kill this monster. It seems that a giant monster, which resembles a scorpion, spider, and a human, knocking over buildings in NYC. He even takes out Lady Liberty! That scene, in which the Statue of Liberty's head rolls down the alley brings chills to my bones, since this film is risky, dealing with a post 9/11 era. The poster alone, with Lady missing her head, is something that could have the tag line: "Could Lady Liberty be next?" if it were a political thriller. The amateur footage, I must admit, made me doubtful that this was a good movie when I saw the trailer. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone be filming? I would run the heck away!". But further evidence from the film gives good reason to the constant filming and documenting. (Like I'm gonna spoil the ending!) The young ens are part of the typical formula, filled with melodramatic and mediocre performances like any other teen flick. But overall, it's a great film.
Grade: B+

Surreal Killer: Review for "Mr. Brooks"

This film, Mr. Brooks, is quite similar to American Psycho. Mr. Brooks (a very evil Kevin Costner) is an all American man, with a wife a nice daughter. But he hides something. He is a notorious serial killer, named the Thumb Print Killer, famous for p;utting the thumbprint of his victimes somewhere obvious. His alter ego, Marshall (William Hurt), controlls his urge to kill. He has an unstoppable obsession and arousel from killing. He has not been active until recently, when he kills a young couple. But a man (a misscast Dane Cook) witnesses the murders and blackmails him. He doesn't ask for money...he asks to watch Mr. Brooks kill again. Now, the alter ego thing in this film does not work. He talks with Hurt as if no one were there. He talks out loud to him. Unconvincing, but if he either only imagined him in certain areas or if when he spoke with Marshall and someone looks at him and he says something like "It's nothing.". Dane Cook is really odd and his personality would, at first glace, work perfectly with the character, but just bombs. The cop tracking Mr. Brooks is played by Demi Moore. She is insignificant to the story, other than she's been on the case before. The rest of what she does in the film is have arguments with her ex-husband, who she is divorcing, and get kidnapped by a completely different killer. I wonder why she's in the film at all, or why she's been given such a big credit. Mr. Brooks' daughter (Disney princess Danielle Panabaker) is following in the footsteps of her father. She likes killing. A lot. This is an unconvincing "reality-is-not-really-reality" or "the-killer-next-door" film.

Grade: C

No "Proof" Needed: Review for Death Proof DVD

I know, I know, everyone who saw Grindhouse in theaters is in fury. The reason it was so much fun to watch was beacause you got the feeling of actually being in a grind-house theater; what with the fake trailers (which are not included on any of the DVDs), the scratched film reels, the missing reels, etc. And releasing Planet Terror and Death Proof separately (not even in the order they appeared: Death came after Planet) takes away the fun and excitement of a Grindhouse. But nevertheless, the films are sitll great fun. Death Proof, the second part of Grindhouse, was directed by Quentin Tarantino (Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill) and definately has his style all over it. Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russel) is a long forgotten TV stuntman who has since then gone on a rampage, first taking down four pot smoking beauties, then three women on location for a movie shoot. Only, the latter group of women decide to fight back and what comes is the most exciting car chase in years. The chase ia all real and adrenaline pumped. Though we all miss the fake trailers, the movies are great, but wait a little before getting them, there might be hope for a theatrical version on DVD. The special features are interesting enough, but not enough to distract you from the absent trailers. There is an interesting doc on Zoe Bell and on the car chase.
Grade: Overall: B+
Stars: 3.5/5
Stars: 7/10
Movie: A-
Special Features: B+

Killer Machine: Review for "The Bourne Ultimatum"

The Bourne Ultimatum is the third in the amnesiac spy chronicles. It follows Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) trying to find his past. He can't remeber all the things he's done in the past. He wants to know why he is who he is. Trying to track his maker, he gets help from a woman from the CIA, who is actually hunting him. He finds hid girlfriend from France (Julia Stiles). In a nutshell: Bourne comes home. He finds his maker to learn that he chose to be who he is. The ending is surprising and funny. The action and suspense is non-stop, while the stunts are fantastic. Damon is Bourne and Bourne is what Bond should be: a real spy. No matter how much I hate to admit it, it was better than Casino Royale. The film is well done, the acting great, Damon is awesome, and the film is Oscar worthy. Grade: A Stars: 9/10 Stars: 4.5/5

"Sense" and Sensability: Review for "The Sixth Sense"

M. Night Shamylon's suspense/thriller The Sixth Sense is the story of a young boy (Haley Joel Osment) who sees dead people. It is Dr. Malcolm Crowe's (Bruce Willis) job to help him. Dr. Crowe is a child therapist who has been honored by the mayor the previous year. But the previous fall, before he treats young Cole, a past patient comes to visit him. Vincent's diagnosis had been mood disorder caused by divorce between his parents. But he is scared, and the Doctor doesn't know why. So Vincent comes back to get his revenge and shoots him, then committing suicide. Cole, the young boy, is scared and the most horrible ghosts are terrifying him. But all they need is help. Cole is hated by everypne at school; they call him "freak". No one knows his secret. Cole, from the advice of Dr. Crowe, decides to help the ghosts and eventually outgrows his fear. Sadly, Dr. Crowe and his wife aren't talking. The ending: I can't tell. But this is the smartest ghost story in a long time. The acting is phenomenal. There are twists everywhere you look. Though the ending will take you by surprise, you can find all the clues if you look carefully. The story was written fantastically by Night and executed well. And it has a happy ending! Grade: A- Stars: 7.5/10 Stars: 4/5